Live from the database

	Place	Trip.	Harry~	Δ
01	Jams New York, NY 10019 · brunch / californian Tourist Tax Warning	90	49	-41
02	Amritsar Tadkas Seattle, WA 98104 · indian	88	22	-66
03	Fresh Food Super Deli New York, NY 10013 · deli / sandwich-shop	88	46	-42
04	Pier 76 Cafe Santa Clara, CA 95054 · family	88	38	-50
05	Peak Thai To-Go River North Chicago, IL 60654 · thai	88	46	-42
06	Vincenzo's Ristorante Omaha, NE 68118 · wine-bar / catering-service Tourist Tax Warning	84	53	-31
07	One Pot Seattle, WA 98144 · Restaurant	82	43	-39
08	Pura Vida Miami Miami, FL 33131 · coffee-shop / brunch	86	58	-28
09	Pura Vida Miami Miami, FL 33137 · coffee-shop / brunch	86	58	-28
10	Indian Dhaba Chicago, IL 60612 · indian	80	48	-32
11	Chipotle Mexican Grill 208 W End Ln, London NW6 1UY · mexican / catering-service Tourist Tax Warning	78	57	-21
12	Cassell's Hamburgers Los Angeles, CA 90020 · hamburger / burgers Tourist Tax Warning	90	58	-32

Trip. = Tripadvisor rating × 20. Harry~ = estimated Harry Score from Yelp + Google + TA, no editorial signals. Δ is Harry minus Tripadvisor. The more negative, the more Harry disagrees with the postcards.

The dossier

	Place	Trip.	Harry	Δ
01	The Ledbury of Leicester Square Leicester Square, WC2	92	31	-61
02	Mama Mia Cucina Times Square, NYC	89	28	-61
03	The Gilded Cleaver Mayfair, W1	94	42	-52
04	Pho King Williamsburg, Brooklyn	87	38	-49
05	Bistro Quinze South Kensington, SW7	91	35	-56
06	The Sourdough Question Silver Lake, Los Angeles	88	44	-44
07	Casa Tapas Olé The Strip, Las Vegas	90	33	-57
08	The Modern British Marylebone, W1	93	46	-47
09	Trattoria del Turista Piccadilly, W1	86	26	-60
10	Big Pat's Beer & Burger Co. Hollywood Blvd, Los Angeles	84	36	-48

Δ is Harry minus Tripadvisor. The more negative, the more Harry disagrees with the postcards.

§ 01

The Ledbury of Leicester Square

Leicester Square, WC2 · British / European

Tripadvisor	92	The crowd's view.
Harry Hungry	31	Tourist Tax Warning
Divergence	-61	Tripadvisor loves it. Translation: tourists love it.

“A menu translated into four languages, none of them flavour. The beef Wellington arrives like a sad parcel.”
— Harry, on the record

§ 02

Mama Mia Cucina

Times Square, NYC · Italian

Tripadvisor	89	The crowd's view.
Harry Hungry	28	Tourist Tax Warning
Divergence	-61	Mama lives in a spreadsheet in New Jersey.

“The carbonara contains cream. We could stop there. We won't, because it also contains regret. $26 of it.”
— Harry, on the record

§ 03

The Gilded Cleaver

Mayfair, W1 · Steakhouse

Tripadvisor	94	The crowd's view.
Harry Hungry	42	Paying for the Scene
Divergence	-52	Critics rave. Crowd divided. $240 of mostly room.

“Forty-eight quid for a sirloin that tastes like it was annoyed to be there. The bread is excellent. Eat the bread.”
— Harry, on the record

§ 04

Pho King

Williamsburg, Brooklyn · Vietnamese

Tripadvisor	87	The crowd's view.
Harry Hungry	38	Hype Risk
Divergence	-49	A lot of the noise is brand, not bites.

“The broth has done a single lap of the kitchen. The queue outside has done more cooking than it has.”
— Harry, on the record

§ 05

Bistro Quinze

South Kensington, SW7 · French

Tripadvisor	91	The crowd's view.
Harry Hungry	35	Tourist Tax Warning
Divergence	-56	Postcode doing more work than the kitchen.

“Escargot served with the enthusiasm of a hostage video. The waiter sighs in three languages.”
— Harry, on the record

§ 06

The Sourdough Question

Silver Lake, Los Angeles · Brunch

Tripadvisor	88	The crowd's view.
Harry Hungry	44	Paying for the Scene
Divergence	-44	Instagram-led. Stomach-disappointed.

“Twenty-two dollars for eggs on toast and a small lecture about provenance. The hen, I am told, was content.”
— Harry, on the record

§ 07

Casa Tapas Olé

The Strip, Las Vegas · Spanish

Tripadvisor	90	The crowd's view.
Harry Hungry	33	Tourist Tax Warning
Divergence	-57	Plays Gipsy Kings at 7pm. That's the whole concept.

“Patatas bravas that have neither potato dignity nor brava heat. The sangria is a cry for help, sugared.”
— Harry, on the record

§ 08

The Modern British

Marylebone, W1 · British

Tripadvisor	93	The crowd's view.
Harry Hungry	46	Worth the Splurge? No.
Divergence	-47	Plated for the camera. Cooked for nobody.

“A foam, a smear, a single radish on a slate. The bill arrives unfoamed. Eighty-five pounds, smearless.”
— Harry, on the record

§ 09

Trattoria del Turista

Piccadilly, W1 · Italian

Tripadvisor	86	The crowd's view.
Harry Hungry	26	False Economy
Divergence	-60	Cheap, but cheap in the wrong way.

“The garlic bread is a hate crime. The tiramisu was made on Tuesday. It is not Tuesday.”
— Harry, on the record

§ 10

Big Pat's Beer & Burger Co.

Hollywood Blvd, Los Angeles · American / Burgers

Tripadvisor	84	The crowd's view.
Harry Hungry	36	Hype Risk
Divergence	-48	More logo than larder.

“A burger so wide it requires zoning approval. Tastes of marketing and lukewarm cheese.”
— Harry, on the record

From the marginalia

If a place tops Tripadvisor in a city you know well, your first instinct should be to wince. Your second should be to walk past it.
If a restaurant has 4,200 Tripadvisor reviews and you've never heard of it, you are not the customer. The cruise ship is.
A Yelp reviewer can knock half a star off because the host 'didn't smile enough'. This is the Yelp worldview in a sentence.
Anything below 4.0 on Google is either a national scandal or a place serving the best food on the block. Read the reviews and find out which.
A Michelin star is a kitchen prize, not a dinner-guide. It rewards consistency and technique. It does not promise you a good night.
Ignoring a tourist trap entirely is a kind of snobbery. So is recommending one. The honest answer is usually: yes, but order carefully and leave room.
The cheapest thing on the menu and the most expensive thing on the menu both tell you something. Read both before you order anything in between.

A note from the defendant

These are opinions, held with conviction and arrived at honestly. Restaurants change. Chefs leave. Kitchens have bad weeks. If you think a verdict here is unfair, you are welcome to be wrong at the contact form. If you own one of these places and disagree, the address is the same. Bring the receipts.

Names and details lightly fictionalised for the dossier. The sentiment is not.

Harry's most savage takedowns.