The charge sheet
A summary, before the evidence.| § | Place | Trip. | Harry | Δ |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 01 | The Ledbury of Leicester Square Leicester Square, WC2 | 92 | 31 | -61 |
| 02 | Nonna's Authentic Trattoria Covent Garden, WC2 | 89 | 28 | -61 |
| 03 | The Gilded Cleaver Mayfair, W1 | 94 | 42 | -52 |
| 04 | Pho Real Shoreditch, E1 | 87 | 38 | -49 |
| 05 | Bistro Quinze South Kensington, SW7 | 91 | 35 | -56 |
| 06 | The Sourdough Question Hackney, E8 | 88 | 44 | -44 |
| 07 | Casa Tapas Olé Soho, W1 | 90 | 33 | -57 |
| 08 | The Modern British Marylebone, W1 | 93 | 46 | -47 |
| 09 | Trattoria del Turista Piccadilly, W1 | 86 | 26 | -60 |
| 10 | Brewdog's Brother Camden, NW1 | 84 | 36 | -48 |
Δ is Harry minus Tripadvisor. The more negative, the more Harry disagrees with the postcards.
The Ledbury of Leicester Square
Leicester Square, WC2 · British / European| Tripadvisor | 92 | The crowd's view. |
|---|---|---|
| Harry Hungry | 31 | Tourist Tax Warning |
| Divergence | -61 | Tripadvisor loves it. Translation: tourists love it. |
“A menu translated into four languages, none of them flavour. The beef Wellington arrives like a sad parcel.”
Nonna's Authentic Trattoria
Covent Garden, WC2 · Italian| Tripadvisor | 89 | The crowd's view. |
|---|---|---|
| Harry Hungry | 28 | Tourist Tax Warning |
| Divergence | -61 | Nonna lives in a spreadsheet in Slough. |
“The carbonara contains cream. We could stop there. We won't, because it also contains regret.”
The Gilded Cleaver
Mayfair, W1 · Steakhouse| Tripadvisor | 94 | The crowd's view. |
|---|---|---|
| Harry Hungry | 42 | Paying for the Scene |
| Divergence | -52 | Critics rave. Crowd divided. £240 of mostly room. |
“Forty-eight quid for a sirloin that tastes like it was annoyed to be there. The bread is excellent. Eat the bread.”
Pho Real
Shoreditch, E1 · Vietnamese| Tripadvisor | 87 | The crowd's view. |
|---|---|---|
| Harry Hungry | 38 | Hype Risk |
| Divergence | -49 | A lot of the noise is brand, not bites. |
“The broth has done a single lap of the kitchen. The queue outside has done more cooking than it has.”
Bistro Quinze
South Kensington, SW7 · French| Tripadvisor | 91 | The crowd's view. |
|---|---|---|
| Harry Hungry | 35 | Tourist Tax Warning |
| Divergence | -56 | Postcode doing more work than the kitchen. |
“Escargot served with the enthusiasm of a hostage video. The waiter sighs in three languages.”
The Sourdough Question
Hackney, E8 · Brunch| Tripadvisor | 88 | The crowd's view. |
|---|---|---|
| Harry Hungry | 44 | Paying for the Scene |
| Divergence | -44 | Instagram-led. Stomach-disappointed. |
“Sixteen pounds for eggs on toast and a small lecture about provenance. The hen, I am told, was content.”
Casa Tapas Olé
Soho, W1 · Spanish| Tripadvisor | 90 | The crowd's view. |
|---|---|---|
| Harry Hungry | 33 | Tourist Tax Warning |
| Divergence | -57 | Plays Gipsy Kings at 7pm. That's the whole concept. |
“Patatas bravas that have neither potato dignity nor brava heat. The sangria is a cry for help, sugared.”
The Modern British
Marylebone, W1 · British| Tripadvisor | 93 | The crowd's view. |
|---|---|---|
| Harry Hungry | 46 | Worth the Splurge? No. |
| Divergence | -47 | Plated for the camera. Cooked for nobody. |
“A foam, a smear, a single radish on a slate. The bill arrives unfoamed. Eighty-five pounds, smearless.”
Trattoria del Turista
Piccadilly, W1 · Italian| Tripadvisor | 86 | The crowd's view. |
|---|---|---|
| Harry Hungry | 26 | False Economy |
| Divergence | -60 | Cheap, but cheap in the wrong way. |
“The garlic bread is a hate crime. The tiramisu was made on Tuesday. It is not Tuesday.”
Brewdog's Brother
Camden, NW1 · American / Burgers| Tripadvisor | 84 | The crowd's view. |
|---|---|---|
| Harry Hungry | 36 | Hype Risk |
| Divergence | -48 | More logo than larder. |
“A burger so wide it requires planning permission. Tastes of marketing and lukewarm cheese.”
From the marginalia
Selected observations. Rotates daily.- Tripadvisor's leaderboard reads like a directory of restaurants that took the trouble to print 'AS SEEN ON TRIPADVISOR' on the door. Tells you everything.
- Tripadvisor's 'Travellers' Choice' is a sticker, not a credential. Restaurants pay attention to it. Locals do not.
- A Yelp one-star almost never quotes what was on the plate. It quotes what was said at the door, by whom, in what tone, and how it made the reviewer feel.
- Google awards a five-star for a complimentary mint as readily as for a transcendent main course. The currency is debased.
- Pete Wells could close a restaurant with a paragraph. That is a good critic. Most current critics could not close a sandwich shop. That is the state of things.
- There is a difference between a place that's busy with tourists because it's near the station and a place that's busy with tourists because it's brilliant. Read the menu.
- Cheap food can be a swindle. A £9 burger that's mostly bread and apology is a worse buy than a £21 burger that knows what it's doing.
A note from the defendant
In the spirit of fairness.These are opinions, held with conviction and arrived at honestly. Restaurants change. Chefs leave. Kitchens have bad weeks. If you think a verdict here is unfair, you are welcome to be wrong at harry@harryhungry.com. If you own one of these places and disagree, the address is the same. Bring the receipts.
Names and details lightly fictionalised for the dossier. The sentiment is not.